I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
