Tell her she can't have a vagina
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
