You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
