I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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