We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
