we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
