I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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