he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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