Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize