Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
