I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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