for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
