so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
