I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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