I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
