Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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