Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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