You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
