I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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