I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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