Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
