We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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