My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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