I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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