Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
