She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
