The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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