I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
