I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
