She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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