how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
