fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
