Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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