No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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