okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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