It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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