"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
