he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
