I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
