i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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