Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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