FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
