haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
