So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's great music for shaving your balls
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
