I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
