Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
