i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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