Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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