he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
