Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
