I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
