guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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