that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
