I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
