Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's never too late to be topless.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize