I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
