sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He better not be in your backpack
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
