his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
