I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
