My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You made out with two different species that night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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