so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
