overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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