Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
