Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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