:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
