...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
