shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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