I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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