he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
