never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
