All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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