My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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