my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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