I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
