Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
love makes seman taste better
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
