We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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