Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
