6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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